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On Mornings Like These

Woke up today feeling heavy and down. I am not a very spontaneous person, though how much I wanted to. I like making plans, I love knowing things and making decisions based on a plan that I know how to execute. I don’t like hanging and waiting around the abyss, not knowing what’s on the other side. That’s why, I like asking questions and going down the nitty gritty of things. Lately, I’ve been waiting for things to happen. They told me not to push the things that I want, especially the things that I have control over. But then I realized that why should I wait for people to make up their mind, why should I wait for people to make decisions for myself. I’m in my mid 20’s and part of being independent at 22 is responsibility, responsibility on making decisions and dealing with the consequences right after. So for the past few weeks, I tried to wait and didn’t ask questions. It was sort of being a limbo on things. So this morning, I just got tired of it all. I got tired of waiting and I’m just going to make the decisions people can’t even make or commit.

So I read this from http://bealightinthedark.com/ and I just thought of sharing it to you guys because it really did help me.

Right now, you are a mess.

Your house is a mess.

Your mind is a mess.

Your life is a mess.

Every single day the garbage pile inside your soul gets bigger because you refuse to clean up the toxic things inside of you. The longer you continue to refuse to face the crap weighing you down, the longer it will stink up your life. I want more for you than a story of holding onto trash and never realizing that you deserve the treasures buried underneath.

I know it’s hard. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s scary. It’s lonely. It’s heartbreaking, soul crushing, and mind overwhelming to fight, but if you don’t fight you are going to spend every single day of your life wading through mountain piles of crap. You are going to keep waking up infested with negativity. You are going to spend each day drenched in the vomit inducing aroma of misery. You are going to die a little more inside until the only thing left to do is let yourself become a living landfill for all the crap of life. So even though it’s hard, and even though you don’t feel strong, you have to fight. You have to try today, and try tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now… for the rest of your life you have to try.

You need to to get some trash bags and start. Just start. Don’t focus on how much trash there is to get rid of, just start getting rid of the ones you can. Get rid of the small piles and then you’ll be ready for the bigones. Grab that broom and start sweeping out the clutter in your heart. Pick up the dirty laundry in your soul and throw it in the washing machine of love. Pour in the bleach of truth and watch those lies fade into peace. Plug in the vacuum and suck up all those fears holding you prisoner.

I’m saying this because I love you, and I don’t want to watch you live in the garbage thinking you are trash. I don’t want to keep watching someone I love waste away because they refuse to fight, to try, to believe even in the possibility of better life. 

Right now you are a mess, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. Change begins with the decision to try, and continues as you keep making that choice to try even when it’s hard, even when you hate everything about yourself, and even when all you want to do is call it quits. You must fight, a little at a time each day. You must ask for help, and trust that there are people in this world who would love to jump into the garbage pile and help you find freedom. You must believe in your story, and that there doesn’t need to be anymore pages filled with brokenness. 

Let’s fight for a life that we actually enjoy. Will you choose today to be the day you begin to clean up your insides and outsides?

I love you!

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